28 Days - I Did It!!

I did it! I have kept the food journal for 28 days. I can’t believe how fast the time went. And I can’t believe how much I hated keeping the journal. But I did find out a few things, and some were surprising.

I discovered I don’t eat as much as I think I did, but I do snack as much as I think I did. Mostly late at night while watching TV. Darn those commercials. Also late at night it is the most difficult time for me to manage the pain. It seems that night time makes things seem worse. Maybe because it is so quiet, everyone else is asleep, and it is just you and the pain demons. I can’t really get up and move around because I don’t want to wake up mom. So I lay in bed watching TV – and those darn commercials. Even though I know that the food they are showing don’t even come close to looking or tasting like the real thing!! Darn those food stylists!

So the solution for that is to save my netflix movies for later at night when I can’t sleep…no commercials. And, if I really can’t get to sleep to get up and write or journal at my desk (when I can sit long enough). But the netflix rentals are the best so far. I am in the middle of a wonderful TV series from Australia called “McLeod’s Daughters” What a wonderful series…makes me want to saddle up and take off for the Aussie Outback…only problem I am terrified of horses – ever since one took off across a field when I was about 10 years old…my first time on one of those beasts at a riding farm. But still….how much fun to be outdoors all day, and all that wonderful scenery…chaps, cowboy hats, cowboy boots…have you ever noticed that cowboys just walk more sexy than city guys??? Oh yeah, the nature scenery is amazing too.

Another thing I noticed is that when I don’t eat breakfast I fight hunger and munchies all day. Solution: Get out of bed early enough to eat breakfast! DOH!!

One of the surprising things I discovered is that as I am becoming better at stopping when I am satiated instead of overly full I am finding it a weird sensation to deal with. I am not hungry, but it is hard to not want to eat more because I don’t have that feeling, that kind of pain that tells you that you have absolutely eaten enough…you are miserable. I like that feeling of not hurting from eating so much, but it is a new feeling that I need to get used to. Kinda like letting go of an old friend and getting acquainted with a new one. I am not explaining it well, but it is there. And I want to get used to this. A new kind of normal. Just gotta keep up that inner dialogue telling myself that this is normal and good.

Now food journaling….I hate it. I always feel like someone is sitting on my shoulder and is going to grade me or judge me by what I am or am not eating. I struggle with not censoring my entries, wanting it to be right. I only show my journal to myself, and I really don’t pass judgment on what I eat anymore. I use the journaling as a way to reinforce good choices and change destructive choices. But just the act of writing it down feels like I am showing it to someone who will criticize what I eat. But I am going to keep up the journaling for a bit more. It has been good to be accountable to myself. And I find that I am much more selective in what I eat, especially when I munch. I don’t eat as much during the munching/snacking than when I am not journaling. I also find that it is easier to recognize when I am satisfied and stop.

Progress. New discoveries. That is what it is all about. Learning to eat in the real world, real life food, not diet food, not giving up things I like. It is about learning to eat to feed my body and my soul. It has taken many years, but slowly it is happening I think. And it feels good. I may not ever loose the amount of weight of my dreams, but it is wonderful to be feeling that I am progressing on the journey to making peace with food and with my body…as it is, where I am at.

Monday Menus

MONDAY

LUNCH:
Tuna and crackers
Grapes

DINNER:
Tomato Sauced Pork Chops in Crockpot
Rice
Salad
Bread

TUESDAY

LUNCH
Greekish Orzo Tomato Salad

DINNER
Leftovers

WEDNESDAY

LUNCH
Leftover Orzo Salad

SUPPER
Layered Steak in crockpot
Salad
Bread

THURSDAY

LUNCH
falafel

Fixins

SUPPER
Crock pot Bar-b-qued Shrimp
Salad
Bread

FRIDAY

LUNCH
leftover falafel

SUPPER
Hosin Chicken
Vegs
Rice

SATURDAY

LUNCH
leftovers

SUPPER
mahi mahi w/ Aspargus, Broccioli, & Spinach in crock pot
Couscous

SUNDAY

LUNCH
tuna and crackers

SUPPER
cool cucumber noodle salad