Plans, Hope and a Future

Affirmation: I choose the outcome by the choices I make

It has been a year since CHIP. And phycially nothing has changed. I have gained back the weight I have lost...and I am back on my medication for my b/p as welll as another for my water retention. I know that I have spent the past year working on the deep issues, the inside work. And there has been progress there - Group has helped. But I am still frustrated that I am not seeing phyciacal evidence of it. Somehow the two have to meld and I have to start seeing changes in my willingness to change eating habits. I know that I am dealing with how and why I use food. But I am also coming to the conclusion that in many ways I am down to habit. I have a habit of eating too much. I like to eat, I like the taste of certain foods. I don't like to exercise. I am beginning to see that the next step is to begin to create new habits and let go of the old habits. They are not serving me anymore. Many of the old wounds are healed, long time ago. But I got used to feeling hurt, that I haven't really let go of the idea of the hurt. And in some wacked out way I think that some of the issues provide a backdoor for me in case I fail...i always have something besides my own choices to blame my failure on. It is just time to begin creating new choices. To begin to create a new history for me...a history of wholeness and healling...a history of good choices...a history of accepting that the way that I think about myself and see myself is so different from how God sees me. That even what I want for myself is nowhere near what God wants for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says:

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a futrue."

This verse has been rumbling around in my heart and brain for a few months. I keep asking how does this apply to this journey to health and wholeness. God does not see me as broken and needing fixing. He sees the possibility and potential in me. Enough to have already made plans for my life. He has plans for a prosperous life. Money? maybe, but I think it goes deeper...prosperity of spirit. Prosperity of realising the successes I am able to have. Prosperity of doing what is so deep in my heart that I am afraid to speak it out loud? These are what produces hope in a soul doesn't it? For me, much of what is holding me back from doing what I really want to do, at least in my mind is my weight. The physicality of it. I get tired, I can't stand on my feet, I can't physically keep up with the life I would like to have. God knows this frustration. His plan is to give me hope and a future.