Sunday Summations

Affirmation:

I choose to view this journey to health not as a diet but as an opportunity to grow in knowledge and trust of God

Sundays are when I look back over the past week and summarize the information I kept in my food journal and analyze and look for patterns and cues that I can work on or ways to create change.

Last week I almost always ate when I was hungry and my hunger lever was well below the ½ way mark. My mood was pretty good all week, I didn’t find myself eating out of emotions.

I have noticed that the difficult days correspond with days I have greater pain than other days. Maybe it is a way of self soothing or a way of distracting myself from the pain. Not sure, but also on the days I have more pain I am less able to work on anything and am in bed or on the couch and watch more TV or read, both of which can be triggers for me.

Exercise was non-existent except for the set given to my by the PT. But last week even those didn’t get done regularly. Too much pain this past week, gave me an excuse not to do them. Even though I do know that not doing them sets me up for stiffness and more pain.

My negative self talk was the “I’m hungry” check, hoping I am hungry enough to justify eating. But my positive self talk was to ask if that was truth, if I was really hungry enough that I NEEDED to eat. Particularly at night, I would ask and or talk myself into seeing if I could wait until morning.

I did struggle a lot with munchies this week. I know that is because I didn’t really plan or stick to a menu and ate kind of haphazardly. Many of my meals were not satisfying, although I was full. It left me with cravings more than hunger. Next week I have planned a menu that should take care of that.
I did find myself less hungry and getting full faster, which meant eating less at meals That is good. I think it will help to remember to use smaller plates to help keep portion sizes at a normal size.

Not One of my Better Days

Today wasn’t a very good day for food or pain. I spent much of the day in bed laying on ice and drugged out by the pain pills. I needed to run out to get gas and mom wanted some pop so I ended up buying us pop, potato chips and dip and a candy bar. Ugh….

The meals went well today, and mostly I at the chips and dip and the candy bar as part of lunch,, but I did snack on a few handfuls of chips here and there through out the afternoon.

I have noticed a direct connection with giving myself permission for a food treat when the pain level gets too high for too many days in a row. Yes, I know the food doesn’t ease the pain, and yes I know that in the long run it really makes me feel worse. But there it is, I did it today. Now to redeem myself, or is it justifying? Don’t know, but it was a small container of dip. Ok…ya I know! But it is better than the food treats I gave myself permission to eat in the past years. And I still have over half of the bag of chips left in the kitchen tonight. I’ll take any small victory I can.
Tomorrow is another day. And I will soothe myself with watching the movies that should arrive from Netflix tomorrow. Not food.

But I did keep track in my journal...as much as I hated writing the junk food down.

SUNDAY SUMMATIONS

Affirmation:
I am fearfully and wonderfully made

I have kept my journal every day so far. But I find that I really don’t like keeping track of the journal…both what I eat and keeping track of where the journal is. (grins) I always seems to be where I am not when I need to record something in it.

But it is showing me something. I do eat less when I keep track. I am more aware of my hunger levels. I am more able to tap into that self dialogue where I ask myself if I am really hungry or if I just want something else. Right now I am realizing that my pain level affects my desire to eat. I think that it will distract me from the pain, or maybe it is that I feel the need to soothe myself or that I deserve a little something something because I am hurting.

I have also realized that how important it is for me to make meal plans. It helps me so much with the “I don’t feel like cooking tonight, let’s order pizza” syndrome. I also am finding that using the crock pot to cook dinner in is also a lifesaver. Getting the dinner on first think in the morning, I feel like cooking more then. The trick is to find ways to make those recipes healthy. I have found a few that I have adapted.

Tonight’s crock pot recipe is Pasta Sauce with Meatballs. This is a really easy one. I get the Italian meatballs at Sam’s. But you could make your own. Cooking them long and slow in the pasta sauce makes them taste wonderful. I usually cook enough for 2 meals (for mom and me) and have enough meatballs and sauce left over for Meatball poorboy sandwichs at lunch one day.

Quickie Crock Pot Meatballs in Pasta Sauce

Ingredients:
1 large bottle of your favorite pasta sauce (I use the large bottles from sam’s of Clasico sweet basil)
10-15 meatballs, depending on size, thawed
½ cup water to wash out pasta sauce jar

Toss everything in crock pot on high until hot and turn to low and cook until supper. Because all the ingredients are already cooked you can cook this for as long as you want, but at least 2-3 hours to develop flavors.

NOTES: I have made this with cut up Italian Sausage and added sliced green pepper and onions to the sauce. Yummm.

Italian Poorboy Sandwiches

Ingredients:

Crusty hoagie buns
3-5 meatballs (or as many as you need to fill the size of your bun)
spoonful of sauce
sprinkling of mozzarella cheese
Warm meatballs and sauce in micro or on the stove top (if cold). Add the meatballs to the bun in a nice little row. Spoon some of the sauce over it and sprinkle with the cheese. Run under the broiler until cheese is melted. Serve…careful not to burn your mouth on the hot cheese!

SATURDAY SALADS

On Saturdays I will share my favorite salad recipes. Most of these will be meals in themselves. Many will come from the many foodie blogs I read, but some will just be my own concoctions. I hope you will enjoy them.

Today I will share one of my own. It is a salad that I wait all summer to eat and eat it I do. Almost every day! Anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE tomatoes. This year I had 7, yes count them 7 pots of tomatoes on my patio garden. I had one that was called black seaman, it was a brownish color blushed with red and sweet as sugar! I also grew sweet millions, brown babies, and a long yellow one that I have forgotten the name of. Not such a good one to eat out of hand but broke down nicely and quickly to make a quick and fresh tomato sauce for a summer veggie pasta dish.

I also grew a zebra tomato. Took me 2 years of growing them to figure out just the right time to pick them. They stay green you see. When the tops just get brushed with a sunlight yellow and they give slightly to the “Whipple Charmin squeeze” they are ripe and sweet.

I grew another red and a yellow and an orange cherry variety…can’t remember the name off hand. But these were sweet and all of them add to making such a colorful confetti of a ‘mater salad. That is if I can keep my mom from eating the tiny ones long enough to get them made into a salad!

I don’t have pictures of the ‘mater salad I made for supper last night, it went way to fast and we were way to hungry to wait to snap pics. I will try to get a picture when I make it again.

As with most of my salad recipes the ingredient amounts are flexible and I don’t really measure. The more colors of tomatoes you can use the prettier it will be. And we all know I love pretty colorful food!

'Mater Salad

2-3 medium sized slicing tomatoes
handful or two of cherry, grape or smaller tomatoes
Onion, (to taste) chopped – can be red, yellow, scallions (or garden onions as we call them here in the Midwest) or heck even shallots will work
Garlic clove minced…or not
Cucumber-peeled, seeded, and cubed
Fresh Basil cut in chiffinade (can use dried)
Some good olive oil
A few splashed of balsamic vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Oregano (dried or fresh)

Mix all together and serve. If you want to let marinate don’t put in the ice box. Never put tomatoes in the ice box! They never taste the same after any time in the ice box. If you have leftovers I do put it in the icebox, of course, but the salad really changes in taste and texture. I try (notice I said try) to only make enough for one meal. But it is kinda like soup, hard to make only enough for one meal!

This salad can also be transformed by adding good black Italian olives, feta, mozzarella or shaved Parmesan cheese, or even marinated artichoke hearts. I have even added leftover steamed zucchinis, yellow squash or asparagus to it too. And of course by adding day old pan toasted Italian bread cubes, yellow, green and red peppers you have the yummy Italian bread and tomato salad Panzanella.

As you can see this salad recipe can be changed, added to and subtracted from to match your own tastes and what you have on hand. The only ingredient that you must have is great tasting fresh summer tomatoes. Please don’t try to make this with winter hothouse tomatoes. I have tried when my tomato cravings got the best of me, and um—well lets just say that it wasn’t pretty.

FRIDAY FOOD FINDS

On Fridays I plan to talk about food finds. This is a broad category that can cover whatever catches my whimsy. I may talk about favorite foods, include a new recipe, a new cookbook, a new food I tried, someone else’s blog post about a food or cooking technique, whatever catches my eye. I hope you like it and find it useful.

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite herbs. Basil. I can’t say enough about fresh basil. And this summer my pot of basil outdid itself, I have enough to make tons of pesto to freeze for the winter. Which is good because the Japanese Beetles helped themselves to my basil this year gorging themselves. The little buggers!

Pesto, my most favorite thing to make out of basil is quick and easy to make and freezes well. I make big batches every summer and freeze them in the little snack sized ziplock baggies in about 1/3 cup portions. This is enough for a sauce for 2 servings of pasta or veggies.

Pesto is great as a sauce over pasta, veggies, boiled potatoes, and as a dollop in most soups. I even add it to my favorite jarred pasta sauce to freshen it up a bit. It is also great on crostini: oven toast slices of a good italian bread, rub with a clove of raw garlic while still hot, add a drizzle of olive oil, add a slice of tomato and top with a dollop of pesto.

Here is my favorite recipe, inspired by Ilva over at Lucullian Delights.

My recipe is very loose and depends on my mood. I do it by handfuls, don’t be afraid of this method, you just can’t screw up making pesto.

BASIL PESTO

In a food processor add:

A few generous handfuls of basil leaves
A couple cloves of garlic (depending on how strong the garlic is and how much you love garlic, you can use more or less)
A smallish handful of toasted pine nuts. (you can also use walnuts)
A generous handful of grated (or not, smallish chunks work too) parmesan cheese (you can also use pecorino or asagio)

Start the food processor and through the feeding tube add:

Olive Oil In a slow stream until it loosens up to your liking.

Add some Salt and pulse a few times to mix.

Done!!

Sometimes I like to add a fresh ripe tomato before I add the oil. You will use less oil and I love the flavor. Besides basil and tomatoes are a match made in heaven!

I have also been known to throw in a few pieces of roasted red pepper too.

Make sure you toast the pine nuts (in the oven or in a dry fry pan), it increases the flavor. Play with the ingredient ratios until you find the taste you love. Use good, no great olive oil for this recipe.
Yummm Pesto. Now I am off to harvest my crop and make some pesto. Maybe I can get one more growth in before winter. A girl can’t have enough pesto on hand.

Nightly Check In

Today went pretty ok. Every night or so I will post my journal entry to keep myself honest.

I also added a new feature on the side bar, a photo of what I ate for one of my meals. I will also probably add recipes for anything interesting I may concoct too.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

Affirmation: Thank you for the journey and the lessons learned along the way

Thankful Thursday. For years I have kept a thankful journal. Yes long before Oprah made them popular I have kept this journal. For me it was a secret place where I told God all the things I was grateful for in my life. Some days it was only one, some days it was a longer list. But it always helped me to focus the gratefulness to God, who after all is the source of everything good in my life.

So I was thinking, instead of concentrating on all the changes I need to make in this journey to health, I was wondering if there were things I could refocus and see as a positive, something to be thankful about. I truly believe that everything we go through in our lives is a chance to learn and allow God to change us. It occurred to me that most of the time in this journey to health I have focused on the negative….the things that need changing, the difficulties, the things I miss, the frustrations. But one thing I have learned with the challenges of the back illness is that especially in the tough times God can change you and that in the end the kind of good that can come from it will change you in ways that good times never can. So today is Thursday and this is what I am grateful for today.

Thank you God for

• Having enough food to eat.
• Having enough money to buy groceries.
• How I am learning that I am more than a number on a scale.
• How little you are concerned with outward appearances.
• How much you care about refining my character.

Another aspect of this Thankful Thursdays is to be thankful for what I have learned so far in this journey.

What I have learned so far

• That diets don’t work.
• That I have to deal with the root causes of why I eat.
• That I have to give myself grace and not judgment.

Today I am also starting a challenge for myself. This summer I have fallen into the habit of choosing easy rather than always healthful in creating meals. Since it is summer, this has not all been bad, many of the easy have also been healthful. But one of the changes I want to make a part of my life is to make conscious healthy choices a habit. So to that end I am going to use my food journal for 28 days to help keep me honest and see where I need some “tuning up” in the menu and food selection department.

Anyone else want to join me in this? If you don’t have a food journal of your own check mine out. There is a link on the journal image that will take you to my Etsy shop where you can purchase it.

Happy Thursday…What are you thankful for?

Jackie

Hello Stranger! I am baaaack

Affirmation: Life is good!

I have been away from blogging for I can’t believe how long. I am sure that no one is even reading my blog anymore! I have been consumed for the past almost 2 years with recovering from 3 ruptured discs. I spent most of the end of 2006 and the beginning of ’07 in bed, unable to walk. After months and months of therapy, lots of rest and exercising at home and being off work since October 2007 I am now able to sit at the computer long enough to write some short entries.

So much about my life has changed. I wish that I could say that this illness has caused me to loose weight, but it hasn’t. Quite the opposite. While I have not had much of an appetite, and eat far less than I did before I got sick, without exercising I have gained about 35 pounds.

What has this taught me? Well something that I have known and not wanted to deal with for a long time. One must exercise to be healthy. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that, at least for me, I must exercise to loose this weight and to be healthy. After being so in active for so long, I also do not like how I feel. I am so out of shape physically. But I also have learned patients with myself. This was not an illness that was going to heal fast, and I still seem to have a ways to go. The past few weeks have been relatively good, but since the weekend the pain has come back and today I had trouble walking. I had started to try to walk outside. Thursday and Friday I walked to the end of the driveway and back…not very far, but a small victory for me.

On other fronts, other things have been happening in my life. I have begun to indulge in a lifelong passion of mine, making jewelry. I started over a year ago to help me keep my mind off the pain. It soon became clear to me that I had to do something with them as I couldn’t ever wear all the stuff I was creating. I began to show them to friends and family and got a lot of positive encouragement. Thus began Twin Angels Designs. Last month I began to sell on Etsy. Go check out my shop.

Another excitement in my life is that the food journal I wrote a while back has been steadily selling. I now have them available through my Etsy shop. Click on the image and it will take you to the shop. This is not your typical food journal. I created it because I didn’t want or need another journal that focuses on how many calories, carbs, or fats. That focuses on a diet – we all know that they don’t work. I needed something that helped me become aware of patterns, triggers, how food tied to my emotions, and portion sizes. I had had an inkling that I was eating a lot more frequently than I was aware of, and most of the time not out of true hunger, but out of being triggered by emotions, activities, or just plain boredom. This journal has been a huge tool for myself and many others. I have to say that it hasn’t necessarily made me loose weight, but it has made me more aware of when, why, how much, and what my triggers are. With that knowledge it has helped me to make different choices than food. It has helped me find the courage to say no. It has also helped me to see how much of my eating is habit. Finally it has helped me to realize how little physical activity I have in my life. With the knowledge I gain from this journal I feel that I am beginning to have the tools to find balance and peace in my life around food.

If you think you might like to try the journal and you have questions, just email me or go to Etsy and convo me.
Well It has been a hard day, it is time for a pain pill and beddy. Tomorrow is another day.