28 Days - I Did It!!

I did it! I have kept the food journal for 28 days. I can’t believe how fast the time went. And I can’t believe how much I hated keeping the journal. But I did find out a few things, and some were surprising.

I discovered I don’t eat as much as I think I did, but I do snack as much as I think I did. Mostly late at night while watching TV. Darn those commercials. Also late at night it is the most difficult time for me to manage the pain. It seems that night time makes things seem worse. Maybe because it is so quiet, everyone else is asleep, and it is just you and the pain demons. I can’t really get up and move around because I don’t want to wake up mom. So I lay in bed watching TV – and those darn commercials. Even though I know that the food they are showing don’t even come close to looking or tasting like the real thing!! Darn those food stylists!

So the solution for that is to save my netflix movies for later at night when I can’t sleep…no commercials. And, if I really can’t get to sleep to get up and write or journal at my desk (when I can sit long enough). But the netflix rentals are the best so far. I am in the middle of a wonderful TV series from Australia called “McLeod’s Daughters” What a wonderful series…makes me want to saddle up and take off for the Aussie Outback…only problem I am terrified of horses – ever since one took off across a field when I was about 10 years old…my first time on one of those beasts at a riding farm. But still….how much fun to be outdoors all day, and all that wonderful scenery…chaps, cowboy hats, cowboy boots…have you ever noticed that cowboys just walk more sexy than city guys??? Oh yeah, the nature scenery is amazing too.

Another thing I noticed is that when I don’t eat breakfast I fight hunger and munchies all day. Solution: Get out of bed early enough to eat breakfast! DOH!!

One of the surprising things I discovered is that as I am becoming better at stopping when I am satiated instead of overly full I am finding it a weird sensation to deal with. I am not hungry, but it is hard to not want to eat more because I don’t have that feeling, that kind of pain that tells you that you have absolutely eaten enough…you are miserable. I like that feeling of not hurting from eating so much, but it is a new feeling that I need to get used to. Kinda like letting go of an old friend and getting acquainted with a new one. I am not explaining it well, but it is there. And I want to get used to this. A new kind of normal. Just gotta keep up that inner dialogue telling myself that this is normal and good.

Now food journaling….I hate it. I always feel like someone is sitting on my shoulder and is going to grade me or judge me by what I am or am not eating. I struggle with not censoring my entries, wanting it to be right. I only show my journal to myself, and I really don’t pass judgment on what I eat anymore. I use the journaling as a way to reinforce good choices and change destructive choices. But just the act of writing it down feels like I am showing it to someone who will criticize what I eat. But I am going to keep up the journaling for a bit more. It has been good to be accountable to myself. And I find that I am much more selective in what I eat, especially when I munch. I don’t eat as much during the munching/snacking than when I am not journaling. I also find that it is easier to recognize when I am satisfied and stop.

Progress. New discoveries. That is what it is all about. Learning to eat in the real world, real life food, not diet food, not giving up things I like. It is about learning to eat to feed my body and my soul. It has taken many years, but slowly it is happening I think. And it feels good. I may not ever loose the amount of weight of my dreams, but it is wonderful to be feeling that I am progressing on the journey to making peace with food and with my body…as it is, where I am at.

Tuesday Tips, Traps, and Truths: Food Journaling

Affirmation:

I choose to view this journey to health not as a diet but as an opportunity to grow in knowledge and trust of God

A friend sent me this article about food journaling. Since I am in the middle of a personal challenge to keep a food journal for 28 days I thought this would be a great article to share. Personally I still hate keeping a record of all I eat. Even though I keep the journal with in reach, I still forget to record things, I still play games with myself about not putting every single bite down, (like someone is reading over my shoulder???), and I just find it a nuisance.

But on the positive side, I do find myself more aware of how much I eat for other reasons than hunger. It does point out patterns to me that help me to change. I think the most important is that it help me to see that sometimes I get lazy with my food choices and choose easy rather than healthy.

Journaling can be as simple as just writing down the food you eat each day or as complicated as measuring, tracking cal/fat/carb/etc for everything you put into your mouth, and some even take pictures of what is on your plate.

For me the least complicated is the best. I have tried several ways of journaling and tracking my food. The simple writing down of your eating was by far the easiest. But there came a time that I needed to record and remember more about why and when I was eating so that I could look back periodically to see patterns and habits and find ways to break them.

That is why I wrote my own journal. It combines just listing what you eat at each meal and adding a few one – two word observations about what is happening with me and what my triggers to eat are. It is working for me now and has in the past. But I have to be careful that it doesn’t trigger that “diet mentality” in me which sends me spiraling into an eating frenzy out of rebellion. No not a binge, just days of eating what I want, when I want, and how much I want.

I usually don’t keep my journal for more that a month. I usually try to keep one about every 6 months or so. Or if I am feeling like I am using food for more than just fuel. Just as a check to see how I am doing. Sometimes it only takes a week or so to help me see where I am and get back to a better place. But the thing about doing it for a month is that it takes you beyond the “good behavior” phase of keeping a journal. You always do good that first week!
How about you, do you journal? What kind of journal do you keep? Is it working for you?

Not One of my Better Days

Today wasn’t a very good day for food or pain. I spent much of the day in bed laying on ice and drugged out by the pain pills. I needed to run out to get gas and mom wanted some pop so I ended up buying us pop, potato chips and dip and a candy bar. Ugh….

The meals went well today, and mostly I at the chips and dip and the candy bar as part of lunch,, but I did snack on a few handfuls of chips here and there through out the afternoon.

I have noticed a direct connection with giving myself permission for a food treat when the pain level gets too high for too many days in a row. Yes, I know the food doesn’t ease the pain, and yes I know that in the long run it really makes me feel worse. But there it is, I did it today. Now to redeem myself, or is it justifying? Don’t know, but it was a small container of dip. Ok…ya I know! But it is better than the food treats I gave myself permission to eat in the past years. And I still have over half of the bag of chips left in the kitchen tonight. I’ll take any small victory I can.
Tomorrow is another day. And I will soothe myself with watching the movies that should arrive from Netflix tomorrow. Not food.

But I did keep track in my journal...as much as I hated writing the junk food down.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

Affirmation: Thank you for the journey and the lessons learned along the way

Thankful Thursday. For years I have kept a thankful journal. Yes long before Oprah made them popular I have kept this journal. For me it was a secret place where I told God all the things I was grateful for in my life. Some days it was only one, some days it was a longer list. But it always helped me to focus the gratefulness to God, who after all is the source of everything good in my life.

So I was thinking, instead of concentrating on all the changes I need to make in this journey to health, I was wondering if there were things I could refocus and see as a positive, something to be thankful about. I truly believe that everything we go through in our lives is a chance to learn and allow God to change us. It occurred to me that most of the time in this journey to health I have focused on the negative….the things that need changing, the difficulties, the things I miss, the frustrations. But one thing I have learned with the challenges of the back illness is that especially in the tough times God can change you and that in the end the kind of good that can come from it will change you in ways that good times never can. So today is Thursday and this is what I am grateful for today.

Thank you God for

• Having enough food to eat.
• Having enough money to buy groceries.
• How I am learning that I am more than a number on a scale.
• How little you are concerned with outward appearances.
• How much you care about refining my character.

Another aspect of this Thankful Thursdays is to be thankful for what I have learned so far in this journey.

What I have learned so far

• That diets don’t work.
• That I have to deal with the root causes of why I eat.
• That I have to give myself grace and not judgment.

Today I am also starting a challenge for myself. This summer I have fallen into the habit of choosing easy rather than always healthful in creating meals. Since it is summer, this has not all been bad, many of the easy have also been healthful. But one of the changes I want to make a part of my life is to make conscious healthy choices a habit. So to that end I am going to use my food journal for 28 days to help keep me honest and see where I need some “tuning up” in the menu and food selection department.

Anyone else want to join me in this? If you don’t have a food journal of your own check mine out. There is a link on the journal image that will take you to my Etsy shop where you can purchase it.

Happy Thursday…What are you thankful for?

Jackie

Hello Stranger! I am baaaack

Affirmation: Life is good!

I have been away from blogging for I can’t believe how long. I am sure that no one is even reading my blog anymore! I have been consumed for the past almost 2 years with recovering from 3 ruptured discs. I spent most of the end of 2006 and the beginning of ’07 in bed, unable to walk. After months and months of therapy, lots of rest and exercising at home and being off work since October 2007 I am now able to sit at the computer long enough to write some short entries.

So much about my life has changed. I wish that I could say that this illness has caused me to loose weight, but it hasn’t. Quite the opposite. While I have not had much of an appetite, and eat far less than I did before I got sick, without exercising I have gained about 35 pounds.

What has this taught me? Well something that I have known and not wanted to deal with for a long time. One must exercise to be healthy. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that, at least for me, I must exercise to loose this weight and to be healthy. After being so in active for so long, I also do not like how I feel. I am so out of shape physically. But I also have learned patients with myself. This was not an illness that was going to heal fast, and I still seem to have a ways to go. The past few weeks have been relatively good, but since the weekend the pain has come back and today I had trouble walking. I had started to try to walk outside. Thursday and Friday I walked to the end of the driveway and back…not very far, but a small victory for me.

On other fronts, other things have been happening in my life. I have begun to indulge in a lifelong passion of mine, making jewelry. I started over a year ago to help me keep my mind off the pain. It soon became clear to me that I had to do something with them as I couldn’t ever wear all the stuff I was creating. I began to show them to friends and family and got a lot of positive encouragement. Thus began Twin Angels Designs. Last month I began to sell on Etsy. Go check out my shop.

Another excitement in my life is that the food journal I wrote a while back has been steadily selling. I now have them available through my Etsy shop. Click on the image and it will take you to the shop. This is not your typical food journal. I created it because I didn’t want or need another journal that focuses on how many calories, carbs, or fats. That focuses on a diet – we all know that they don’t work. I needed something that helped me become aware of patterns, triggers, how food tied to my emotions, and portion sizes. I had had an inkling that I was eating a lot more frequently than I was aware of, and most of the time not out of true hunger, but out of being triggered by emotions, activities, or just plain boredom. This journal has been a huge tool for myself and many others. I have to say that it hasn’t necessarily made me loose weight, but it has made me more aware of when, why, how much, and what my triggers are. With that knowledge it has helped me to make different choices than food. It has helped me find the courage to say no. It has also helped me to see how much of my eating is habit. Finally it has helped me to realize how little physical activity I have in my life. With the knowledge I gain from this journal I feel that I am beginning to have the tools to find balance and peace in my life around food.

If you think you might like to try the journal and you have questions, just email me or go to Etsy and convo me.
Well It has been a hard day, it is time for a pain pill and beddy. Tomorrow is another day.