Hunger

I have been hungry all day. I waited for lunch until I knew I was really hungry, I probably waited too long, but it was good to actually see and feel the difference between honest hunger and what I think is hunger - cravings, just the desire to eat something; have a party in my mouth, or just eating because I saw it or was bored. I have been thinking about hunger and how I feed my hunger. I eat at the first sign of hunger, I get worried if I don't feed myself. What am I worried about, surely I am not going to die of starvation! I have enough fat on my body for it to feed on itself for years to come!! So what is it my hunger is telling me or showing me. That I am bored with life right now is becoming apparent to me. But this is a new thing, boredom so it doesn't explain the long term of my weight battles. I am not sure what it is my hunger is trying to tell me, all I know is that it is like a newborn baby's cry, annoying and insistent that I do something about it. But that is the problem isn't it. Food isn't really going to solve the problem. So what is it I am suppose to do with this hunger? If I can't feed it, what? Somedays I feel that if I feed the hunger till it is gone I will eat until I pop! Like the blueberry girl in Willie Wonka (the old one). Unfortunately I know that I will not just float away...It will keep me firmly planted, stuck, solidly, on the ground...To heavy to float away.

I have been staying in the moment with the hunger. When I have eaten, I have made excellent choices, listened to my body and stopped eating the minute I am satisfied. I am eating slowly - to give my body time to know it is satisfied.

Now there is another word that goes with hunger...Satisfied....Full. I don't want to necessarily eat until full...That is that uncomfortable feeling that goes beyond meeting your nutritional needs. Satisfied, I am learning how that feels, for the first time in a long time. Satisfied feels like I am no longer hungry, but I don't have that uncomfortable, pushing, stretching feeling in my stomach. It is hard to describe it as no longer wanting anymore to eat, I always want more to eat. Someday that will change. But satisfied means that there is really no feeling in my stomach, not hunger, not full. Hmmm that is a revelation for me. (stream of conscious writing sometimes really works at showing you what you need to know).

Another thing I have noticed since I have tried to be present in the moment while I am eating is the taste of food, and how good it really tastes. Who knew - I always have thought part of why I ate is because I liked the taste of food. But I am wondering if it is more the texture, the crunch, the smmmooth? But I am realizing that a lot of it was unconscious.

gotta run
jackie