Small Victories

Victories, such a positive word, but such a hard thing to obtain in the journey. So I will take the small victories; they are just as hard won and milestones none the less. Tonight on the way home from church I wanted to stop and get a blizzard, but all the way home I talked myself out of it, knowing that I will be going to the movies with my two nieces tomorrow and will have popcorn. I kept telling myself that I could wait until tomorrow, I didn't need the ice cream tonight. Mabye this self talk works after all. I didn't stop and I really didn't crave or think about it again for the rest of the evening. I also has decided to stop for ribs since church went later than usual and it was after 8pm before I got home and didn't really feel like cooking and didn't want to eat as late as it would have been if I did cook. Well that is the rationale that I used and told myself. I was saved by the fact that I had forgotten to put my checkbook in my purse and the rib joint doesn't do credit cards. But that jolted me enough that I decided that I could say no to the ribs (I could have gone next door to the gas station's ATM machine and got some cash). But just that amount of distraction and disrubtion of the crave/justification process was enough for me to regain sanity and strenght and say now.

In all actuality it only took as long at it takes to cook pasta to make a tasty, healthy mixed veg and pasta dish seasoned with a bit of gorgonzola cheese and broth to make a great sauce. Cooking with fresh foods and whole grains - healthy actually takes less time than preparing meats and traditional meals. I keep forgeting that.

Another thing that I am realizing that I am forgetting is that I get fuller on less. My mind and emotions have not caught up with my body yet. I have to consciously remind myself that I can't eat as much now as I used to. Tonight, for instance; I usually cook a 3oz serving of pasta when it is a main part of the meal. But tonight I cooked only 2 oz and it was enough. And yesterday when mom and I went to Beef-a-roo, out of habit, without even thinking about it I "supersized" our order when they asked. I was only able to eat half of the onion rings and the soda, throwing the rest away. Which in itself is a victory, throwing away food, especially Beef-a-roo onion rings is not something I have ever done or been able to do. It is nice that I am moving away from the physical need to eat so much, or at least the ability to eat so much. Now my reality and automatic choices have to catch up. I guess that is why it is so good to concentrate on being in the moment while I am eating.

But I will take these small victories along the way. Small victories add up to big changes and eventually the final victory of a changed life. What is the saying? Take care of the little things and the big thing will take care of itself. Well right now that is all I have the strenght to do is to take care of the little things. The over all picture is too great to feel that it can ever be achieved. So I do what I can do, make the small changes and celebrate the small victories and wait until I can see that they have added up to larger victories, larger, permenant changes.