Wednesday Morning Check In

Yesterday ended up being a so so day. I did pretty well with food, except for the bag of Mrs. Fishers chips that jumped from the vending machine into my hands...funny I went down for coffee, I was sleepy and freezing and ended up with salt and crunch. I haven't wanted Mrs. Fisher's chips for years!

Today I am sleepy. I didn't wake up starving like I have for the past several weeks so I didn't eat breakky yet. Brought some homemade gronola to eat later. I didn't make luch last night either, I was just a slug and didn't feel like doing much. Read a bit and watched tv with mom, paid bills and went to bed early...maybe I got too much sleep.

I am still trying to get into the book I am reading "It is not about food", but having a hard time doing so. I think that what she is saying is right spot on, but maybe a lot of what I have read so far I came to the same conclusions years ago so am having a hard time concentrating on it. I will continue to read it as Annette highly recommended it for group. It just goes to show you that knowing, even believing things about how you relate to food is not enough to get you to make the hard decisions it takes to be healthy. I keep waiting for some magic revelation to sweep me away and change everything about how I think, feel, relate to, and use food. But, like Dorothy, I am beginning to realize that everything I think I need to know is inside me already.

Glenda: “You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.”

Dorothy: “If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard because, if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

And like Dorothy, I just need to learn for myself to trust myself. I know that others can help in this process.Group,The Journey Girls, Annette, but ultimately it is me who has to be willing to face the hard truths about how and whyI use food. To face the deamons inside. To ulitmately trust God and his power for healing. And to trust his Love, to believe His love for me. To hear a verse like "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" I automatically thinkg, ok, this isn't about me. But of course I know it is about me, I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. So why isn't that a reality in my though process and manifested in my life? Why is it so hard for me to believe this about myself? So the answer for the meantime is to believe God's opinion about myself, not mine. Truth is that God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so I am, period, end of discussion. This is not a truth for me to try to reason out. It just IS. Hey!! I AM fearfully and wonderfully made! That means that God knew that I would have these struggles, and while he didn't create them, I did, by my choices, He is here to help me with them, and it doesn't change the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This fearfully and wonderfully made thing goes way beyond and much deeper than physical appearance, it has to; it applies to all humanity.

Well gotta get to work

jackie