Monday Morning Check In

I have a headache this morning that is driving me crazy. I am also vaguely hungry and craving food, any food. I had a LARGE Georgia mud fudge blizzard last night and am wondering if this is all due to the excessive amount of sugar that put into my body. I am going to tough it out and eat healthy today and drink plenty of water. I am finding that my physical craving for things like blizzards are lagging behind the mental and emotional cravings. I spent yesterday being a vegetable and incrediably boared. It was great, but as the day wore on I found my thoughts going to food, mostly because I was bored and needed to entertain myslelf. Not that I didn't have any thing at all in the world I could have been doing! Just didn't want to!

Friday night I went to the theater to see Man of LaMancha. It was so uncomfortable sitting in those chairs, tiny to begin with, miserable for me. It is dreadful not fitting, being uncomfortable. So much lately I have decided not to do because of my size, my physical state, or lack of it. This is a new state for me. I have never been self-conscious about my size or uncomfortable physically about it. But now I am. I don't like how I am feeling these days. Why now after 5 years of being this heavy am I feeling so bad? I guess that time has just been taking its toll. But I am also grateful for these feelings, they help me stay motivated. It is so not about how I want to look as much as how much I want to feel healthy, energetic and able to do the things I have always done.

I am finding that I am going to food out of habit now more than need...although there are days that belie that! Today seems like it will be one of them. But I feel pretty strong and the Journey Girls are there to help me through it too. Each day that I make sound healthy choices makes making those choices easier and more unconscious...like breathing. Soon that day will come where food will not be the centerpiece of my life. I can see that day, somethign that a year ago I was resigned would never happen. It is soooo not about food! But as I deal with the issues, right now it feels like it is all about food.

Today I decide to chose health

jackie